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wjclerk wrote:wuwei wrote:
I hate Provo…
At least they are getting Google fiber optic for super high speed broadband internet throughout the city! Got to find the positive where it exists!
Is that so they can download their p0rn faster?
Heber13 wrote:My daughter is at BYU-Idaho.
There has been an increase in pressure from my daughter’s perspective that people think young women like my daughter ought to be married by 20, or serve a mission, in that order. If neither of these, she feels people wonder what’s wrong…That is all her perception in a culture specific to BYU-I. SilentDawning wrote:I heard its already happening in some Wards.Particularly in wards where there is a strong snobbery regarding those who buy into every aspect of a the high performing Mormon culture. Even if women are starting to experience some pressure to go on missions and that is already more than any real pressure there typically was before the age limit change that still doesn’t mean it is anywhere near the same as the way it already is for the young men. If women in the Church never serve a mission I doubt anyone will think that much about it either way once they are married in the temple but there are definitely many in the Church that will continue to count it against any LDS men that don’t belong to the RM club even decades after they failed to live up to this expected tradition.
I just want to express a view on the mission pressure issue. As a convert to the church that was raised by an atheist and never even knew what a mission was until a few years ago, I have to say that while I have a ton of respect for the young men and women that devote this portion of their lives to spreading the gospel I am appalled on a regular basis by parents and church members putting so much pressure on kids to do this. It’s mandatory for these kids really, and is the biggest example of having very little free will or “agency” while being a member of the church. Are missions good for some of these kids? I firmly believe that they can be very,very strong tools for personal development. Forcing you out the door at 18/19 and sending you to a foreign place and throwing you out of your comfort zone has some benefits that can’t even be measured…but these kids should really have a choice, and the way I’ve witnessed it first hand, they have no choice at all really unless they are willing to give up their friends and ward family, and in some instances their real family. Now when a young man or woman gets a mission call, all I can think about is, I wonder if they really want to go or is this forced on them?….Especially if they are questioning their faith in any way and feel that they can’t talk to anyone about their doubts, kind of like everyone else that doubts.
DevilsAdvocate wrote:Even if women are starting to experience some pressure to go on missions and that is already more than any real pressure there typically was before the age limit change that still doesn’t mean it is anywhere near the same as the way it already is for the young men. If women in the Church never serve a mission I doubt anyone will think that much about it either way once they are married in the temple but there are definitely many in the Church that will continue to count it against any LDS men that don’t belong to the RM club even decades after they failed to live up to this expected tradition.
I agree and I disagree DA. I agree that once the YW are married then the pressure to serve would largely evaporate. It seems to be an either or thing – “not getting married – why not go on a mission?”
OTOH people assume certain things about DW all the time because of her missionary experience (i.e. that she is well versed in the gospel, or would make a great teacher or leader [in the first 5 years of our marriage she was called as a RS pres. once and a Primary Pres. twice]) So even long after getting married having served a mission is a plus and is assumed to mean certain things.
While with women the assumptions related to having completed a mission seem to be largely positive, there can certainly be some negative assumptions for men that didn’t serve. Were they worthy? Were/are they uncommitted? Were they a new member? I believe that these negative assumptions can dissipate in later decades through other markers of group loyalty. I don’t believe many would hold not having served a mission against an SP, or MP, or GA for example. However if a non-RM attends church fairly regularly but doesn’t hold a calling – a fellow churchgoer may assume that not serving a mission was a sign of some deeper character flaw and look for the lack of other markers of group loyalty to confirm this thesis.
We have YM in our ward who has chosen not to serve a mission. He’s up front about it. He says he just feels like it isn’t for him. He was telling my husband about it. He said he still believes the church and attends regularly. He has nothing to hide or sin, just isn’t his thing. My husband asked how the young man’s parents handled it, they both served missions, he said his dad especially was disappointed, but the son said, “You’ve always taught me that life is a choice.” I don’t know if he will change his mind or how he will feel in time, but it was a cool story to hear.
The pressure on men will always be greater, I think. But imagine this scenario. A girl at the old age of 21 didn’t go on a mission and is not yet married. In the previous structure, she might be asking herself if maybe a mission is a good idea. Bishops and parents will be asking this as well. With the new age structure. she could easily be a return missionary, maybe even expected to be a return missionary and a lot of her female associates will be RMs. There will be people including male RM suitors who are wondering why she didn’t go (e.g problems with worthiness). Musings about why a girl didn’t go on a mission will be more commonplace, not as bad as with the boys but certainly more so than now. And as soon as she turns 19, the pressure to go if she isn’t engaged will be greater. Post temple marriage, however, the stigma of not going will fade. There will be more female RMs which may create a minor class distinction between them and those who didn’t go. I agree with Ray that the pressure will depend on where they are, their own family, ward, etc. When I heard the announcement I was actually a bit sad. My sister-in-law is turning 19 this December. She’s worked hard in high school and done early college. She had everything planned out so that she would finish her teaching degree in the next year and a half to two years and start teaching school and working towards a master’s degree. Not long after the announcement, she sent out an email to her family members saying that even though she has “never wanted to be a missionary” and this will be the “hardest thing” she’s ever had to do, she’s going to be putting in her papers and leaving for a mission as soon as she can. She asked us all to pray for her to be strong enough to follow through with her mission. For her, I know the pressure is primarily coming from her parents. She’s the youngest and all three of her older brothers and her older sister have served missions. Her parents are the type that take every word from the pulpit as the direct word of God. I know from talking to her that she was planning to finish school, teach, hopefully get married and start a family. A mission was never in the picture for her before. Yes. It will happen. From the moment that announcement was made last fall it has been treated like a revelation along the lines of the Official Declarations in the Doctrine and Covenants. In reality, it was a simple, practical (and rather slight in many ways) change in policy. But so few changes are announced over the pulpit that members lap up what few there are like a thirsty man in the Sahara. (Forgetting perhaps that many 18 year olds in other countries have already been going on missions and forgetting perhaps the brief flirtation the Church had in the 80’s with 18 month missions.) And so the announcement has more impact than it would have normally resulting in many members eagerly incorporating the “new revelation” into their world view. And one side effect will be more pressure on young unmarried women to go on missions. I don’t know that it will every be the same kind of pressure that young men feel. But it will still be pressure. I remember in the 80’s when the instructions coming over the pulpit were “every member a missionary” and “every young man should prepare himself to serve a mission.” Over time, that emphasis has changed and there is less pressure on “EVERY” young man to serve a mission. Unfortunately, I can’t say that there is “no” pressure from the church, parents, families, or friends for every young man to get ready to serve whether it is a good idea for him or not for personal, emotional, maturity or physical reasons, but it seems there has been some progress from the way it was before when I was a young man hearing those expectations. Unless there is a severe regression that would affect the young men as well, I don’t think the young women will experience the same kind of pressure to serve a mission as historically the young men have had to endure. Just my opinion.
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