Your Marriage

[Anonymous]

Brian Johnston wrote:

DW and I were both the offspring “of perdition” when we met as friends. We hung out in the same, small, tight-knit social circle for a year but were not romantically involved. I later did a shocking (to my friends) 180 deg turn and went on a mission. She straightened out too. When we decided to get married a couple years later, we were both somewhat traditional and normal LDS, or at least giving it a good try

Now we are back to our evil ways, I guess … if you want to describe it that way. The normal thing didn’t stick.

We both knew about each other’s past. Heck, some of our evil and “tainted” past is shared history. On some level, I don’t want that stuff to matter. I don’t think it should, so I decided a long time ago that it didn’t matter.

*Shrug* I don’t know. For us, I guess it worked — 20 years together and counting.

I think it can be a problem to mentally and emotionally overcome if the wildness and foibles of youth were more asymmetric. I also intuitively feel that it probably best to know at least the general outline of your spouse’s past when you get married. Secrets seem like more of a problem, to me anyways, than the actual actions and history. Secrets run counter to intimacy (intimacy in the emotional sense).

Although my past and my wife’s were pretty spotless, I don’t think either of us are the same person we were when we were youth and young adults, or even late-age young adults. And if you really believe in the concept of the atonement, and the person truly has changed, then I don’t think much of it matters anymore.

[Anonymous]

Quote:

And if you really believe in the concept of the atonement, and the person truly has changed, then I don’t think much of it matters anymore.

Amen – which is why I believe in openness, but perhaps not drowning your partner in a deluge if the possibility of a deluge exists.

Fwiw, in this day and age, I think it’s important to let a potential spouse know if you’ve been sexually active in the past – and, if so, if you’ve taken the steps necessary to know that you aren’t going to share an STD of some kind. Mormons are really, really bad at that aspect, imo – as are most people who are part of generally conservative groups. Stigma gets in the way of common sense WAY too much.

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